Warning Signs in Abusive Person's Behavior With You or Other Adults:
Has an excessive and early attachment, with a quick push for commitment.
Is possessive. Calls and visits unexpectedly, checks up on you, reads your mail, monitors and/or interferes with other relationships.
Is excessively controlling -- of money, investments, entertainment. Interrogates you about your activities. Tries to keep you from making decisions for yourself. Expects you to stay in a stereotypical or servant role. Enjoys trapping you.
Expects you to meet every need and "be there." Will have impossible expectations, and when you fail to meet them, will make you responsible, saying, "this is all your fault," "I wouldn't get so angry if you'd just do things right," or "if only you'd be nice to me, I could be nice to you."
Tries to isolate you from family and friends (saying they only "cause trouble"). May want you to quit your job, give up your car or telephone.
Consistently blames others - friends, family, the children, government, employer, police, teachers - for problems or things that go wrong.
Has low self-esteem. Is hypersensitive to criticism and easy to insult. Will rant and rave about things that can't be helped, and will claim to be hurt when actually angry.
Flaunts power symbols -- such as weapons or brute force.
Withholds support, love, or affection out of anger, hurt, or need for power
Enjoys hurtful, degrading, or violent sex. Finds the idea of rape thrilling. Will ignore your protests by telling you "it's all in fun."
Has poor control over emotions. Has erratic and severe mood swings -- going from sweet and tender one minute to angry or violent the next.
Might admit to hitting a partner in the past, but says the partner "made" him/her do it.
Might admit to having been sexually or physically abused.
Is critical of you and others. Will say hurtful, even cruel things, and might enjoy waking you up just to criticize you. Might threaten you with violence, saying "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and will dismiss your fears with "You're crazy," "You're no fun," "I was just talking," or "Everybody says that." Might even seem honestly remorseful...but the remorse doesn't last.
Uses the children against you; threatens you with loss of your children or with harm to your children if you don't do what you're told.
Threatens you with suicide or with reporting you to authorities; makes you participate in illegal activity in order to hold you.
I think if you should date a person for a long time (a year or 2) to make sure they don't have any of these signs and behaviors.