My wife has been addicted to pain killers and xanex for about seven years. Without realizing it I've become more and more co-dependent over the years, to the point that my life is pretty much in shambles (but not hopeless). I'm a shell of the person I was seven years ago. Feels like I'm just hanging on by my fingertips, and I have two boys,7 and 8, that I've pretty much raised by myself and I cannot let this go any further for their sakes. I just don't know what steps to take. Getting away from her might help a lot but I've done plenty to get myself into this mess. I've become very adept at isolating myself and avoiding confronting a problem head on in hopes it will just disappear. I was never like this before.
If you really want to recover from co-dependency, you need to know exactly what you're doing to encourage, and most of all WHY you do it.
There are support groups for all types of co-dependency that will acquaint you with the 12 steps, as designed by Alcoholic Anonymous, and prior to that seven of them were actually found in the Bible.
It's all about your own spirituality or lack of such. Since you know you're behaving as a co-dependent, you probably feel as you mentioned in your question, that it's easier to do it and hope it will all just disappear. That's a childish way of thought. Nothing as serious as drug or alcohol abuse will 'just go away'. If it were that simple, people would stop using when they found it didn't bring the joy they once hoped for.
We need to learn the steps to self-love and relinquishing control as a beginning. You control your wife by fulfilling her need for pain-killers. If you didn't do that, do you fear deep down that she might leave you, or at least not acknowledge you as you wish? If you truly loved yourself, you wouldn't feel that needy because you would be happy with only yourself, if that's what the outcome would be to refusing to help your wife get what she wants.
The spiritual basis is very important. You need to have a strong and sincere faith to be able to make the changes necessary for a better life for your family and yourself.
Please locate a Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous meeting group and encourage your wife to attend. You, on the other hand must attend the AlAnon or Naranon meetings for your own support and information. It will widen your self-knowledge and bring you closer to your God belief. This is not a 5 minute or 5 day recovery program. It is a lifetime commitment for your wife and perhaps you as well. Their are groups for the children of addicted parents or other close family members. There is Alateen and ACOA as well as naranon. Please locate Alcoholics Anonymous in your phone directory and call for more information. They are more than happy to get you started on the road to peace and happiness.