i have a 5 yrs old and its getting out of control..... she doesn't listen and she is not afraid of me at all
I was your daughter, once upon a time. What my mother did with me was to inform me of the consequences if I did something & then she carried it out...consistency is the only way to deal with this. I was an only child so I had just about everything a kid could want in my room. When I was bad, I was not allowed to play in my room; instead being relegated to the end of the couch in the living room where she could keep an eye on me while she went about her daily chores. There was nothing in this world that I hated more than being made to sit at the end of that couch because there was no TV, no radio, no nothing. I was told that, if I put even one foot on the floor & didn't sit there like a little lady, I would get a spanking...it worked wonders.
As for sharing - if your daughter has a problem with it - try the following. If I refused to share a toy with a little friend, my mother would take it from me. She'd put it away for later but she would tell me that if I didn't learn to share, she was going to give them away. It was just my mother's luck, I guess, that soon after this first incident, a friend of mine was having a birthday party & my mother had gotten her something that I also had & she knew the girl particularly liked. While it is true that she had to take me home from the party early because I launched into a screaming & crying fit (thinking the girl had been given my toy), you can bet that I learned that lesson immediately :) It wasn't until I was in my thirties that the subject came up one day & Mom realized what was behind my little fit...not fun to have your parent laugh at you when you are an adult :)
BTW, a friend of mine uses a variation of the sitting on the couch routine when her child is bad. Difference is, she makes her kid sit on the sofa with the computer, radio & television all in the same room & turned off...drives her daughter crazy. Another friend has a kid who loves video games &, when he is being difficult, she takes them away & lets his brother play them in the other room; within the child's hearing. I, personally, think this is a little mean & somewhat harsh, but it seems to work for her son.
I think that is really the trick to getting them to behave in that every kid is different & you have to find out what gets under their skin. Its not to be mean, of course, it is so that you have that leverage that you need to keep them in line. I can assure you that by the time & was six or seven, my mother only need look at me in a particular way & I would not only shut my mouth, but immediately try to make myself invisible. At the same time, I never lived in fear of her...only of her being angry with me...big difference...
Good luck!