ok the past two weeks I am having a hard time deciding when is enough in my relationship. I need your advice peoples.
About a month ago she lied to me about something i told her not to do which was to drink this certain night after i over heard the phone call with one of her friends that "she brought the stuff" ok first off she was staying where this stuff is and i guess there were guys there. She told me she wouldn't. She says she didn't drink the next day and i drop it. then a month later the cops where going to get involve then she final told me. I was pissed wouldn't you be. we had a big fight about lying and i couldn't trust her but i loved her. We BOTH AGREED ON THAT SHE WOULDNT SEE or HANG OUT WITH HER FRIENDS UNTIL MARCH 1.
Well i was going home today i see her with her friends i called her and she said she was going out to eat with her friends. She lied to me again. When is enough, enough, my past girls have lied cheated on me and I'm sick of it. What would be your advice?
It would help some to know how old you are first. I will assume that all parties of of legal age (21) since it is not otherwise stated.
Does your girl have a drinking problem? If not it is pretty unreasonable for you to ask her not to drink. What right do you have? If she does have a drinking problem, asking her not to drink will not make her not drink.
Also, asking anyone not to hang out with their friends is not reasonable what right do you have to tell her who she can and cannot hang out with?
You are correct though, she shouldn't have agreed to what you asked, as you are overstepping your bounds as a boyfriend.
You ask her to do things that are not reasonable, then you get mad when she doesn't do them. You don't trust her to start with, then you ask her to keep promises that you know she won't and you then in turn trust her even less. You are making yourself miserable, you either need to learn what you limits are as a boyfriend (what you can ask another person to do/not do) or you need to get out of this relationship.
How would you feel if she asked you to do the same things that you ask of her? Would you feel it was fair? You might feel that you are trying to look out for her best interest, but it sounds like it might be coming across as overbearing.
*UPDATED* I can't solve your problem. Relationships are hard and yet simple, either you and the other person are happy, or you aren't. If you both aren't happy, and you've tried to make it better and you still aren't happy, then what's the point of continuing? You can not change a persons behavior and although, you may want to look out for her and vice versa you can not make her do something she doesn't want to. Just like she can't make you do something you don't want to do.
You only do it because you want to, you want to please her and make her happy. It's a two way street, you can give her your opinion and your advice, but you can't make her do anything. If you are happy with her behavior then stay, if not leave; she is going to be who she is, if you don't like that then maybe you don't really like her, but you like who you can turn her into; which again isn't really her. Regardless, you either stay or leave it is your choice, but know who she is as a person and know that you can only advise and nothing more then that.
It's sad, she needs to learn to love herself. She has to learn to do that on her own, sadly; you cannot teach her that. That's all I have to say about this, and I mean it this time.